Every mom gets overstimulated and overwhelmed because of the demands put on her each day from her family. The mental load you carry as mom can be a lot for you to handle. It can also be hard for your family to recognize and acknowledge your pain. Every good mom constantly says things like, "I feel like the worse mom ever", "did I do enough for my child(ren) today?", "why did I yell at my baby like that?". When you're so unsure of what to do, it's extremely difficult to move forward. Mom guilt can be crippling.
The good news is, you can bring order and peace to your chaotic mind by practicing techniques that helps you slow your mind and let go of a lot of the mental stress so you can see yourself as the amazing mama you are.
In this post, I'll share with you 3 things you can do on a daily basis to help you become more regulated in your emotions and empowered in your abilities as mom (spoiler alert....there's a bonus tip at the end). It's my hope that this will give you the tools you need to be confident in your role as mom and help you manage your emotions when you feel overwhelmed again.
So what is the perfect remedy for an overstimulated and overwhelmed mom?
Let's look at the word remedy! Our good friend, Webster, says its meaning is
- a medicine, application, or treatment that relieves or cures a disease
- something that corrects or counteracts
- the legal means to recover a right or to prevent or obtain redress for a wrong
Now, let me be clear...I'm not a therapist or a doctor. So I am NOT giving any sort of medical advice or counseling. I'm simply a mom who has experienced being overstimulated and overwhelmed and wants to share what worked for me.
These are some things that have worked to help me feel more in control of my own emotions; feel free to try (or not) them for yourself.
1. Lean onto your faith.
This is important because this life is HIGHLY spiritual and we aren't meant to handle things on our own. I, personally, rely on my faith for nearly every situation in my life. So praying to Jesus, reading the bible, and reflecting on what I've read helps to relieve the effects of stress.
In Psalm 55:22, it states to, "cast your burden on the Lord, and He shall sustain you..." and in 1 Peter 5:7 tells us to do the same thing because "He cares for you". So yes, when I feel like my feelings are about to overtake me, I try to remember to immediately go to God in prayer and meditate on his word.
Many mamas who are new to motherhood, start out being able to handle many different situations themselves, but then get overwhelmed by the role of motherhood...because let's be honest, motherhood is a lot to handle. In my opinion, there isn't a mama on this planet who knew what they were getting into before they became mothers, the amount of mental space motherhood takes up comes to a shock to us all.
A lot of mamas spend a lot of time and energy trying to manage their mental load on their own and end up in a dark space and extremely overwhelmed.
The secret to leaning into your faith is to practice and eventually getting good at saying a quick short prayer. The common misconception of praying is that it has to be this long drawn out speech using so many fancy words and scripture. While, those types of prayers have their place....it's not necessary all the time...or even at all.
To get started, simply just say, "Jesus, help me. I'm overwhelmed!" That's what I've done and it's what I still do when I don't know what to say.
It's not always easy and I don't always remember to do this first, but it is my usual go to method that works in time...usually instantly. I encourage you, mama, to give this remedy a try. Here are a few scriptures that I usually reflect on that's helped me:
MAKE A BULLET LIST
2. Refill your own bucket
If your feelings and emotions are out of whack and becoming too heavy...it could be a sign that your love bucket is empty. No...this doesn't mean that you don't have anymore love to give, love is infinite. It means, you need a break from pouring into others and focus on pouring into yourself.
Because even though you know this...you matter too. Just because you're mom, doesn't mean you are impervious of the effects of giving with out being replenish.
Remember, being overwhelm and overstimulated is a symptom of something bigger. It's the effect...not the cause. So when was the last time you've spend time on yourself, doing something you love doing?
Look, I get it! Being a mom is a lot of work...a lot of hard work. However, being a mother to 3 beautiful children (12, 6, and newborn), even I have a few moments to spare on replenishing my love bucket. If you don't think you have 15-20 minutes each day or even one day a week, then I encourage you to observe how you spend the day?
Are you mindlessly scrolling on TikTok? Instagram? Don't get me wrong, good things can happen doing this...it's probably how you discovered me! And I'm so thankful. But if you're constantly on your phone scrolling through the rabbit hole of social media, I strongly urge you to take away one scrolling session and use that time to do something for yourself.
We all have a few minutes to spare each day. It's up to you to choose to do something for yourself and not make excuses to why you can't get it done. Here's a few activities you can do to help refill your bucket.
- 15-20 minute facial
- Get your nails done (or do them yourself)
- Take a nap (one of my favorite things to do)
- Watch a show you haven't seen in a while
- Soak in the tub
- Take a longer shower
- Go for a walk (preferably child-free if you can manage it)
- Do a hobby you enjoy
- Start a new hobby
- Journal
- Workout
The list could go on and on! Feel free to do something different if you find joy in something else I haven't mentioned.
Let's continue on our path to discover the perfect remedy for the overstimulated and overwhelmed mama.
3. Always identify the win in your day
If you're going to bed still feeling crappy from the day you've had, chances are you're this is the likely link that's missing.
Without doing this, you can wipe dirty butts, clean up spill after spill and still feel like you've done nothing all day. And as you lay in bed, your thoughts and emotions will consume you, causing you to spin out of control in overwhelm.
So what can you do to remedy this?
A really useful technique is to always identify your win for the day. No matter how crappy your day has been (FYI, I hope it has not been a crappy day for you), there's always a win in it. It's just harder to see what it is some days. But I promise you, there's always a win.
So how on earth do you identify a win?
Well, you can't identify anything if you don't define what it is.
to obtain by work
So one way you can do this is to make it your mission to do a particular activity or behavior before the day is over (i.e. maybe you want to go to sleep with a clean kitchen or you want to wash your hair or do a load of laundry). Whatever the task is, you make it your mission to get it done. Once you do it (or even get it started), you can count that as a win for your day.
Another way to identify a win, especially if you haven't defined it beforehand, is to look at what you actually did and not focus on what you didn't do. So maybe you didn't get to wash your hair, but you were able to complete a full cycle of laundry (wash, dry, and put away). That's a WIN (a huge one...cause who likes to do laundry?)!
You'd feel much better if you focus on your wins as opposed to your shortcomings.
What's your WIN for the day so far? Go ahead and share it in the comments so I (and other mamas) can celebrate you.
So, the next remedy for an overstimulated and overwhelmed mama, like you, isn't one many of us moms know how to do well. Sure, we learn to delegate tasks eventually, but if you're not already equipped with this skill, then it may be a challenge, but I implore you do this to relieve yourself of the overtaking feelings.
Bonus: Ask for help
Did you cringe when you read this step?
Here's why you need to ask for help.
Of course, this can be challenging for many moms to do, including myself from time to time, but think about how much easier motherhood would be, mentally if we offload some of our task or thoughts onto someone else.
There are lots of ways others can help you. It doesn't have to be to physically be able to do something for you. Yes, there's always lots to do like cook, clean, take care of little people, etc. But a lot of the overwhelm of mothers comes from the mental load you have.
We are always thinking of things we need to do and it's even heavier if we don't know how to do things or handle certain situations. So the best thing we can do is ask for help.
There is no shame in asking for advice. Maybe you need help with your child's behavior because you don't know how to handle it. Ask a mom or dad you trust for advice. Getting an outsider can help immensely to find a potential solution. You don't have to do everything on your own...even if you're a single mother. Find your village (in an upcoming post...you'll see that a village doesn't always mean family). If you're looking for a group of moms you can converse and share experiences with, you can be a part of the group: Roaring Mamas on Facebook! Just click here and join! Of course, you'll have to answer a few questions...but that's only to make sure we keep the group a safe space! Go ahead and join today...we'd love to have you!
Putting it all together for your perfect remedy for an overstimulated and overwhelmed mom
There you have it! The 3 techniques (with a bonus) you can use to relieve your overwhelm and overstimulation.
It may sound like a lot and you may not see results right away, but like most things, practice makes progress. Implementing these techniques can help you move from overwhelmed and unsure to empowered and confident in your role as mom.