How striving for perfection destroys your homemaking dreams

“For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God”  Romans 3:23

Whether you live by the Bible or not, we all can agree that we have done wrong in our lives. We aren’t perfect (I know I’m surely not…even though I jokingly say I am to my husband).

In this post, I’ll give you my insights on the negative side of trying to be perfect and give you some things you can do to help you become a better homemaker, which in turn will push you closer to the ultimate goal of finding your happy!

Striving to become the perfect homemaker you see on TV or what people portray on social media will quickly leave you crushed, miserable, and not a pleasant woman to be around.  I know…I’ve tried it. I fully thought I was going to be a picture-perfect wife and mom who graciously took care of the kids, husband, and house while still having the energy and time to do the things I found fun.

How “perfection” causes me to be so broken.

In my head, my kids would play peacefully, my husband would want for nothing nor would he have to lift a finger around the house, and I would be completely fulfilled in my role of taking care of every little nuance of the homemaker's life. What was I thinking? When this didn’t happen, I immediately fell into an inescapable depression fit.

I was spiraling downward. The negative self-talk was intense and so constant that I couldn’t keep myself from crying. I was a prisoner to my thoughts. It was a rough moment in my life and somehow I managed to hide this from my husband. It’s scary what you can hide behind a smile.

Did you have the same vision of a homemaker as I did?

Done is better than perfect.

When you pursue perfection, you only see what hasn’t gotten done and you’re blind to the wins you have throughout the day. You’ll find yourself spending the entire day cleaning the living room but griping about not getting to the rest of the house. You won’t hear how delicious your family thinks your meal is because you’re too focused on the fact that you didn’t cook the fancy 4-course meal.

Let me just tell you what I wished I would have told myself then….STOP IT! You’re driving yourself mad. I’m not perfect. You’re not perfect. We will never be perfect, so stop expecting perfection in every area of your life every day. It won’t happen. At least not in the way you expect it to?

What? What in the world does that mean?

Define your definition of what the perfect homemaker looks like.

A lot of homemakers make videos and blog posts on “How to be a better homemaker”. This is amazing because they give great advice, however, some of it may not fully resonate with you. Their definition of good may or may not be yours.

In a previous post, I shared 7 things to help you become a better homemaker. I mentioned defining what is a good homemaker for you. Just like everyone’s definition of success is different, the definition of a good homemaker is as well.

To me, I’m a perfect homemaker because:

• I make sure my family has food to eat throughout the day
• I make sure my family has clean clothes to wear
• I love on my family each day
• I gently guide my children through their emotions as they develop their own personality
• I always aim to improve the skills I’ve built throughout the years.

Am I the perfect homemaker by anyone else’s standard? Ha…I probably don’t even come close. My house is usually wrecked, dinner is usually late, and we all live out of baskets because laundry is hardly ever put away. According to what TV and social media definition of perfect…I do NOT fit that definition. And I’m ok with that! It doesn’t mean I won’t get better, but I can’t go crazy chasing someone else’s definition.

Take away: Don’t live by someone else’s definition of perfect or good. Define yours and live by that standard.

To be your version of a perfect homemaker, you’ll need a vision.

Create a vision for yourself as the homemaker and the household that you manage. What do you want to improve upon by the end of the year? What do you want it to look like, how do you want your house to feel when your husband comes home or when guests come over? What is it going to take to get there?  Be realistic about your abilities and skill set.

As you answer these questions you’ll have the vision to strive toward. And once you do, you’ll need to adjust, pivot, and evolve (A.P.E.) as needed.

• Adjust the behavior to make your work more efficient.
• Pivot to something else if it isn’t working.
• Evolve (build on) what has worked.

Be sure to track your data in a journal (or even a video journal) so you can look back and see your growth.

Conclusion

I hope this helps you see that you can’t strive to be the perfect homemaker until you define and develop what that looks like for you. Otherwise, if you’re going by what you see, read, or hear you’ll likely be sorely disappointed.  Of course, following others’ advice on their version is totally fine just as long as you use it as a guide and refine it to fit your needs and lifestyle.

Would love to continue this discussion with you. Let me know in the comments what do you think about this? Do you have your definition of a good homemaker already? Would love to hear from you.

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